2000-10-01 22:58:00-05

Wow - a lot of stuff has changed in the past week or so.
I haven't posted to this, or put up any new pictures lately
because I've been absorbing what's happened.

The biggest change, is that I've dropped out of grad school.
I've completed the transition from an innocent and energetic fresh young grad student to a jaded and bitter grad school dropout.

Hopefully I'll recover now that I'm not feeling like I'm spinning my wheels,
Burning all of my energy, talents, and ability for no reason.

My reasons for dropping out of grad school include the following:
  • I had developed the wrong mindset
  • I came to the realization, in the middle of last spring that the way I approached grad school had changed. I had asked myself the question that no grad student can ask themselves and survive:
    Why am I paying these people to work me like a slave, drain all of my life and energy, and never be satisified with everything I can give?"
    Now, the answer to this question is "So that they will force me to learn", or "So I can get a degree" but once that question is asked, nothing is ever the same. Everything looks different.
  • Life, work, grad-school - Pick 2
  • I was trying to do all three. School was staying together, But I was sacrificing my performance at work and my life to keep it going. Life suffered the most - 1999 - 2000 was a year ripped out of my life - I forget it went by when I try to remember how far things were in the past.
    Overall, I felt like I was spinning my wheels - pushing as hard as I could, and making no progress, while all around me my life fell apart. Over the summer I dreaded the return of classes. Last spring, I spent classes wishing they were over, so I could go home, read the text book and LEARN something.
    I don't think I was cut out for grad school...

    2000-11-10 11:29:24-05
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    So what are you doing with your spare time now? Do you have any?


    2000-11-20 02:23:14-05
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    I've been forced to come to the conclusion that spare time is constant, no matter how much or little you do in structured time.

    At least I have time to sleep now...


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