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There is a growing trichotomy in my mind. I am living three lives. A while ago, I was only living two lives, and the resulting dichotomy was very slight - I rarely, if ever, noticed it at any higher level. Now, due to recent changes, I've had to add a third life, and the result is noticeable, and a little unnerving. I should get used to it with time. I should probably explain what I am talking about... Have you ever regularly moved between two radically different situations? If so, has the other ever seemed vaguely dreamlike? This happens with me. I first noticed it, when the first major dichotomy formed, shortly after I left home to live in the dorms at college. In a matter of days, my home life faded away into memory, as I coped with the dorms. Living at home seemed like a pleasant dream, but I had to focus on the here and now. When I moved out of the dorms, the process repeated itself - College life faded away as I got ready for summer activities, and an absence of classes. Now, I am living three lives. The first used to be the most common. Now I enter it only on weekends. It is that of a slacker grad school dropout - who hangs around on campus, makes late night beer runs on foot with friends in the middle of winter, and mucks about with web pages (like this one). The second used to occur only rarely, and I hadn't lived it for years. It is kind of a reversion to high school life, which occurs when I stay with my parents. It is disturbing on some levels, to revert to being less independent, but at the same time it is relaxing. It was nice to be able to spend a weekend or two this way, as I found time to sneak away home to visit, but now I live it all the time. I have a job located near where I grew up, and staying with my parents seemed to be the most logical thing to do. Now I find my mind revisiting thoughts from high school, and it is as if some fragment of myself was saved from this time before I was out on my own, and now it comes to the foreground again. This disturbs me to some extent, but I should accept it. The third self is myself whan I am working. As the day moves on, it is as if nowhere else exists except for the office I work in. Thoughts of the outside world fade away, and at times it feels like I have been, and will always be here forever. reply |